I was 7 when I walked the five blocks down to the candy store. It was a warm autumn day and I had a pocket full of pennies. I was excited to get some red Swedish fish — my favorite — and to feast my eyes on all the pretty colored jawbreakers, tabs, and powders in the glass case that I could.
I skipped on the sidewalk, so happy I got to go to the candy store. About halfway there, from out of nowhere — I heard a LOUD voice in my head. A deep, man’s voice said “MATH PROBLEMS!” Like a narrator from a B-rated horror-spoof, in heavy vibrato: “Maaaaaath Probleemmmms!”
It kicked off a full-body, electric experience. I felt taller than the trees and smaller than the ants — simultaneously. I was stunned. I stood frozen on the sidewalk as my brain turned inside out.
There was a rushing buzzing noise like I was moving super-fast, and it felt like the edges of the universe were pressing upon me. I had no idea what was happening! I started crying…but then began laughing ‘cuz it kinda tickled. My whole body filled up with sparkly colors.
It was an ‘Alice in Wonderland’ psychedelic experience — kind of like a deja vu. My heart was on a rollercoaster, and I had the distinct sense that the sunlight, on every single leaf of all the trees around me, was suddenly EXTRA bright, and EXTRA crisp, as if someone had yelled, “Hit the lights center stage!”, and VaBOOM! Everything was brilliant.
The experience lasted about four minutes, and then — just like that — was done. I was seven-year-old girl size again. The noises, and lights, and sensations just disappeared, as fast as they came.
I wanted to tell someone, but couldn’t think of anyone who would believe me. After a while, I just started walking the last two blocks to the candy store. The little bell on the door rang gently when I pushed open the door. The candy didn’t look as colorful or as enticing as usual. I pulled out my pennies and watched one of them spin in place on the glass counter. The old man who ran the shop smiled and was already reaching for the Swedish fish… he knew they were my favorite. I left the store and sucked on the chewy red candy on the way home. I decided I wasn’t going to tell anyone about ‘Math Problems’. I imagined I would only be yelled at for being such a liar.
For about 10 years afterward, I could conjure some of those bizarre sensations I experienced simply by saying the phrase, “Math Problems” in my head. It was kind of like when you eat something sour and get that almost crampy feeling in the corners of your jaw but this was an almost crampy feeling in my WHOLE body, close to my spine.
Once older, and somewhat studied in metaphysical phenomena, I imagined, ‘Math Problems’ was somehow related to sacred geometry — fractal magic that correlates to reoccurring patterns found in plants and crystals, and works within sound and light waves. By my mid-twenties I’d read enough on chakras and yoga to feel pretty certain that what I’d experienced was my first kundalini surge. Reading other people’s descriptions was extremely validating that I wasn’t crazy. I devoured books and articles similar to this one:
“Kundalini is a Sanskrit term from ancient India that identifies the arising of an energy and consciousness which has been coiled at the base of the spine since birth, and is the source of the life force (pranic energy, chi, bio-energy). Kundalini may unravel and arise from the base of the spine (or sometimes from the feet) due to spiritual practices, or in response to life events, and when this happens it may move gradually, uncoiling like a snake, or quickly and explosively, into the gut, the heart or the head.
This event can be startling and chaotic, frightening or blissful, and it usually triggers months and years of new sensations and changes in the person who awakens it. It may feel like the body’s wiring has moved from 110 to 220, and it takes time to adapt to it… and may cause many unique and unfamiliar sensations including shaking, vibrating, spontaneous movement, visions, and many other phenomena.” ~Bonnie Greenwell Ph.D
So my chakra stack opened all up? Cool! A flood of life force ripped through my energy body from feet to crown? Whoa — Awesome. I was happy to read it was an enlightenment experience because as a kid, I had wondered if my brain broke.
Some western people who’ve experienced something like this later in life, mistakenly have considered it a “mid-life crisis.” Studies now show however children who’ve experienced trauma or abuse can have a kundalini surge triggered early on.
It wasn’t that walking to the candy store on that day was traumatic, but by age seven, after being raised in a B.F. Skinner Box, being the recipient of screaming jealousy and humiliation daily in my home, and being an outsider in school, (raised strict atheist deep in Mormon-land) was adding up. Maybe it was simply the joyfully skipping, on a warm day, anticipating the pure happiness I got from eating my favorite candy that opened up a portal to Universal magic?
As a kid I heard the phrases, “YOU are too much!”, “You FEEL too much!”, “You exaggerate TOO much!” often. By the time I was seventeen, I lived in Portland for art school, and I started to organize more puzzle pieces of being a synesthete and an empath. I’d begun to figure out that there were others like me. Other people could hear harmonic tones coming from crystals and flowers too. I spent days on end at Powells’ book store, in the New Age section, devouring books that would help me understand my experiences.
By then, I’d heard the message, in multiple ways, from multiple sources that having an empath, and a synesthete*, or someone who has experienced an abusive childhood for a daughter, or a girlfriend, or even a friend is not the easiest thing to deal with.
It was however exactly what I needed to launch my career of being a spiritual seeker, and eventually to become a Holistic Trauma Resilience Coach and a soul listener. I had learned to listen to my own spirit amidst the magic of the huge universe — and I learned that I absolutely love to remind people to listen to their own spirit, and find the magic portals themselves.
Have you been listening to your spirit, and finding the magic within?
*Synesthesia — the neurological experience in which information meant to stimulate one of your senses stimulates several of your senses.